EuroVelo 6 - Some words from Paul, my partner in grime.... err, crime

The De-Evolution of Man??!

FERAL.

Chatting with Doug one day last week I proposed that we would not return home to our wives as the same people that left them. In  the course of our deliberations on the subject he used the word "feral."  

So we're up at the crack of dawn most mornings to the unabashed sounds of single men knowing they're amongst friends. I think if we were to record ourselves ( I often wonder if that would work when I argue with my beloved) we may be somewhat surprised. Not at the sounds but possibly the quantity. Clearing of throats , grunts , profanities , sniffs (I'm being polite here) and of course the timpani of farts and burps and the trumpeting of Doug blowing his nose like a baby elephant on steroids.. A veritable cornucopia of the worst of male habits I'm sure this all happens back home to a lesser degree. Out here in the wild with no restraints it all changes. We're more than a  month in now and I can already feel my canine teeth lengthening. They only need cleaning.... occasionally and the smell of unwashed bodies seems so normal. Clothes become worn, and so discarded, and visits to the charity shops yield promising if not sartorial results.

With all the constant exercise our bodies are changing. The muscles around legs and backside expanding out of all proportion to the top half of our bodies. We are developing into a new species melding into our bikes , centaur like ,  half man half bike .

We're eating all the time, casting around for our next meal.  Any of our food dropped on the ground instantly triggers an atavistic reaction of snarls, raised hackles and flattened ears as we defend what is ours.

Our fingers constantly wrapped round handlebars are becoming claw like ,with sharpened nails and hard pads . At the end of the day after being hunched over our bikes we drop to the floor on all fours sniffing the ground for the best site to pitch our tent. 

So ladies, on our return, please allow us some time to reintegrate into polite company, and don't look too harshly on us as we surreptitiously lick our plates clean at dinner parties and then curl up on the floor in some darkened corner snuffling, mewling and dreaming of the great outdoors!

Paul Bergson 

8 Oct, 2023